Operation Mama Bear Part 2

Rocky continues to be entranced by bear families. And once again, we had a conversation that seemed much deeper than it sounded.

"Mom, you know how male bears in the wild just have sex and then leave, and then the female bear raises the cubs?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, what if you just locked a male bear into a room with his cubs and wouldn't let him out? If the mother bear wasn't there to help him, do you think he'd act like a father? You know, because he wouldn't have a choice?"

My post-divorce mediator basically asked the same question on Tuesday. As we hammered out an agreement about our school night placement schedule, the mediator suggested that it was time for Mama Bear to stop being Papa Bear's safety net.

For example, when the kids have been late for school, the boys' case managers have always called me, not the Turd. This happens for a variety of reasons:

• They know I'll be the one who does all the work to get the boys' absences excused, so I need to know.
• They think of me as the wusband's mother and expect me to give him a time-out/other consequences for his misbehavior.
• They want me to call the Turd immediately to see what I can do to get the boys to school.
• They don't call him because he rarely returns their calls or e-mails and often fails to show up for parent meetings.
• They regret when they call him because he tends to be a belligerent, defensive, emotionally labile [expletive deleted that rhymes with bass-mole].

The mediator proposed that it's time for Mama Bear to stop mothering Papa Bear. As part of our agreement, I am providing the boys' case managers with a weekly schedule so they know which parent to call. They will have to call the bass-mole directly from now on. I am giving the Turd (again) the schools' Parent Handbooks, which have detailed instructions regarding how to get absences due to tardiness excused. It's time for Papa to act like Papa, and if he falls down I won't be there to catch him.

Eek.

Which brings me back to my conversation with Rocky.

"Mom, you know what I think would happen if you locked a Papa Bear into a room with his cubs?"
"What, buddy?"
"I think he'd be a better dad."
"... (sigh) Maybe so."
"... Or else he'd eat them."
"Mama Bear would never let that happen, buddy. She'd break down the door and kick him right in the hoohahs."
"Yeah?"
"You can count on it."