I don't suck: I ROCK!

At our family's second session with the In-Home Intensive Therapy team on Monday, we put together a safety plan. It's supposed to be our guide if and when Taz has a violent meltdown. Seeing our family dysfunction reflected in the eyes of the therapists, I wanted to turn myself in to the bad-mommy police. "I don't just suck," I wanted to scream. "I SUCK!"

But on Tuesday, after school, I met Taz's newest friend, and the experience knocked the I-suckness right out of me.

His friend is a girl I'll call Diana because she looks like a preteen version of Diana Ross: voluminous black hair that she wears like a crown, almond-shaped eyes that sparkle with mischief, regal cheekbones that could cut butter, and full-to-die-for lips.

Taz's Diana is non-verbal, but it is clear that she absolutely loves my boy. When he brought me over to her wheelchair for an introduction, she held her hand out to him. Her aide warned Taz to be careful because she bites. He gave Diana his hand anyway. She grabbed it, pulled it to her mouth, and gave it a big wet kiss.

Taz told me he likes Diana because she has seizures, just like him. Then he added with a shy grin, "Also... She. Is. HOT!" My heart swelled with pride over Taz's ability to see Diana's beauty. I'd wager most of his peers only see the wheelchair.

But then, Taz asked, in a loud voice that made everyone nearby stop and stare: "Does she have Sarah Bells Pawsy?" Cringe.

Diana’s aide (probably unaware that she was violating Diana's privacy rights), answered him gently, "No, honey, she doesn't have cerebral palsy. Diana was shaken when she was a baby, and it hurt her brain."

For a few moments, I couldn't hear anything except the beating of my rage-filled heart. This beautiful child had been the victim of shaken baby syndrome and survived. This beautiful child, now on the brink of womanhood, had been shaken by someone who was supposed to be taking care of her. She had been shaken so hard that it robbed her of her mobility and speech forever. Whoever did this to Diana is a monster who truly deserves to feel the torment of I-suckness, hopefully while serving a life prison sentence where he/she is someone's favorite punching bag.

Diana made me realize that I really don't suck. I am far from being the worst mother in the world. In fact, I can honestly say that I am doing my very best. When that's not enough, I admit it and ask for help. And, most important of all, I love my boys with all my heart, and I make sure they they know this every day.

I think we should all take the advice of fellow blogger, Magneto Bold Too!. It's time for each of us to reject the I-suckness. And so, I now announce to the world, in no uncertain terms that ...

And so, dear reader, do you!